I don’t care if no one ever reads what I write. I don’t care if I am never published.
I repeat these types of thoughts in internal monologue regularly, and they fell true, yet it also feels as if it can’t possibly be true. Everyone else is writing to publish, would self-publish rather than fight for their work to be published by a respectable publishing house.
Same thing with blogs. If I didn’t care about having readers, why put up a public blog? Why am I not just using a private journal? I certainly don’t care that I’m not getting comments on this blog or others.
A few years back, I made the transition from writing fragments of stories and scenes on pieces of paper to attempting a first novel. I’m on the third novel. I thought, “it’s time to take myself a little more seriously as a writer.” Does one have to be PUBLISHED to be a writer. I don’t think so. Perhaps one has to be published to be an AUTHOR. I’m not sure that’s even true.
As in a lot of other pursuits, I am so much more interested in the process than in the final product that it’s not clear to me that publishing is the ultimate goal. Certainly, at this point my focus should really be on learning the craft. Every time I get into the part of the process that involves getting other people to read what I write and thinking about what other people might think of it — especially whether it is marketable — I get very uncomfortable. Is it arrogance? Am I just an arrogant writer not willing to listen to critique? Or am I just lucky to enjoy the process of writing — putting words on paper — and not worried about the frustrating part of the task that involves getting it in print and selling it for others to read.
Is the goal to have people read what I write? Then why not publish on line — it’s essentially free.
Is the goal to make money? LOL Certainly the goal isn’t to become a full time writer.
The urge to get other people to read my writing is fulled by the need for acceptance and self-validation. Secretly, I think what I write is pretty good. I should rephrase that. I like what I write because I like writing. What I remember about what I write is the thought process that goes with it. I like the thinking process that goes with the writing. That’s it!
Summarizing: I don’t care enough yet to make publishing a priority. I care enough to focus on learning the craft and increasing my sense of self-worth as a writer. If I were to worry about publishing at this point, I would be focusing on the wrong thing.
